


Never the Easy Path

by Obsessivecompulsivereadr



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, M/M, a lot of magnus introspection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-15
Updated: 2017-01-15
Packaged: 2018-09-17 18:52:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,859
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9338438
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Obsessivecompulsivereadr/pseuds/Obsessivecompulsivereadr
Summary: Magnus was good looking and attracted a lot of attention.  This he’d been aware of for centuries.  The attention was often sexual in nature, which wasn’t a bad thing at all.  But rarely did it ever go beyond that.  Rarely did people look at Magnus and want to know him beyond what he could do for them.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I've never read the book series, and I don't plan to read it. So any fics I write will never be tagged with anything but the TV show tag.

Magnus leaned back against the headboard and closed his eyes.  

He wiped at the moisture under them and held his hand out in front of him.  He rubbed his fingers together to get the eyeliner off the tips, snorting softly at the thought that he’d forgotten he’d even worn it to bed.  That’s what being completely distracted did to him. He forgot the little things.  

Well that wasn’t entirely true.  Sometimes he just blatantly ignored them.

He glanced over at his companion, who was soundly asleep on his stomach.  The sheet covered Alec up to his waist, so the runes on his back were displayed almost proudly.  He watched Alec snuffle and burrow into the pillow underneath him, and Magnus smiled down at the man.  Just a month ago, Alec had tried to convince him that he could never relax enough to sleep well. Magnus would mock him for the claim right now if it weren’t such a pleasure to watch the shadowhunter finally sleep.

Shadowhunters were such a peculiar species.  Humans born with angel blood.  Beings with strong convictions, even if at times the beliefs behind those convictions were morally wrong.  Alec was first a soldier and second a man.  He was to always be prepared and to never be taken by surprise.  To be taken by surprise was to have failed.  At least if one were to believe Alec’s word on that. They valued honor and family above all, even at the sake of destroying the very family they claimed to value.  Alec had been miserable for so long because of that misplaced value.  Because despite everything Alec had been taught and had lived for, he could never fully be what his parents wanted, or what the Clave wanted, simply because he'd made choices for himself instead of for the good of their people.  Or for the honor of his family, who had so easily destroyed that same honor with their own actions.

Magnus doubted that he would ever understand shadowhunters, even if he would willingly spend the rest of eternity trying to understand Alec Lightwood. They were a people who had children choose parabatais before they were old enough to know whether or not parabatais were right for them.  Before they were old enough to understand what having one might do to them.  The ones who were destined to have one were made to choose before they'd even reached adulthood.  Before they even knew who they'd become.  Magnus never would understand that, despite years of knowing several parabatai pairs.  

Luke Garroway’s choice had tried to kill him.  And even that didn’t break the bond.  Valentine Morganstern becoming an evil this world had not been prepared for hadn't been enough to destroy it.  It hadn't been the _worst_ thing to have happened to that pair.  No, the bond only broke when Luke became something shadowhunters considered lesser than them.  Once he became a downworlder through a werewolf’s bite.  

Magnus could never understand a culture that could look at Luke Garroway, take in the measure of that man, the lengths to which he would go to protect mundanes, downworlders, and shadowhunters - despite how he was treated - and ever call him lesser.

He would also never understand how someone could look at Alec Lightwood and not realize how very much he _did not need_ to be changed.  Alec was sometimes single minded and at all times self-sacrificing, and there wasn’t a day that went by since Magnus had met him that Magnus wasn’t frustrated with something that involved him.  Whether it was something he’d done out of a skewed sense of honor, a danger he’d put himself in, or something that had been done to him out of the spite or hatred of others.  

Alec had fought so hard for the right to just be loved for who he was, and Magnus was furious to his very core every time Alec had to speak with his mother, Maryse Lightwood.  Magnus didn’t care what the woman thought of _him_ , and he really didn’t care how she felt about downworlders or mundanes. Her opinions of him and his kind meant nothing to him at all.  But when it came to Alec, some days it was all Magnus could do not to kill her where she stood for daring to suggest Alec wasn’t worthy.  

But unfortunately, her words did mean something to Alec, and Maryse's first-born had spent his entire life feeling as if he wasn’t even worthy of being seen.  Of being _known_.

Magnus wouldn’t give up knowing him for anything.  Alec was stoic and so very brave that sometimes his actions took Magnus’s breath away.  He and his sister were unlike any shadowhunters he’d ever met, and Magnus would also include Biscuit in that assessment if it weren’t for the fact that she could have never become like them to begin with, having spent the first eighteen years of her life as a mundane.  She didn’t have the same prejudices to work through or the same expectations drilled into her.  

But Alec and his sister, Isabelle?  They were special and unlike any shadowhunters he’d ever known.  Even ones he’d been acquainted with long ago had never had the innate feeling that some of the shadowhunter creeds were wrong.  

Alec and Isabelle had had different experiences growing up.  Where Maryse was hard on both of them, Isabelle had had the love of her father while growing up.  She’d confided in Magnus that it had always made her feel guilty.  Jace had had Maryse and Isabelle had had Robert Lightwood.  But Alec had had neither one.  Because neither one of them had bothered to forge a bond with him.  He’d been their soldier.  The one they could count on to follow their orders.  The one who was punished when someone else faltered.  

Magnus’s fingers sparked blue with anger, and he breathed in deeply to calm himself.

Alec Lightwood had more honor than any of the Lightwoods that came before him, and Magnus would never let a day go by without ensuring that Alec knew that.

Magnus had been so surprised by him.  At first Alec had just been attractive to him.  Someone to engage in a little hedonistic fun with.  But the more he’d gotten to know him and the more he’d watched the man, the harder he’d fallen.  Magnus had vowed so long ago that he wasn’t ever going to let someone get that close to him again.  But Alec had not just gotten close.  Sometimes Magnus felt like Alec was under his skin.  Like he’d burrowed inside and didn’t plan on ever burrowing his way back out again.  He’d gone beyond those who had hurt Magnus before.  He’d skirted right passed them and planted himself inside Magnus’s heart, consequences be damned, and Magnus doubted Alec even understood the magnitude of what he’d done.  

He’d made it almost impossible to live without him.  And despite knowing that one day Magnus _would_ have to live without him, he couldn’t regret the decision.  Ragnor had always reminded him that he fell too hard and too fast for people without considering how it would affect him in the long run.  And his warlock friend had always been right about that, even though Magnus had never admitted as much to him.  

But Ragnor had also been the same one to remind him that the right love, the kind that changed you for the better, was worth it.  Was worth the sacrifice and the pain afterwards.

Magnus knew he was difficult to love.  So whenever he found someone willing to even try, he couldn’t resist giving in to the feelings.  Even if they ended up hurting him.

He should have resisted the night before because they’d only been engaged in this relationship for a few months now.  They’d kissed, those moments always initiated by Alec, and they’d talked and the more time they’d spent together, the more Magnus wanted.  With him and from him.  

But, he really had not meant to sleep with Alec the night before.  

Ragnor would call him out as a liar for that.  Magnus closed his eyes again and smiled, just happy not to be dealing with the full version of Ragnor’s spirit, since it would be awkward for Alec to wake up at the sound of Magnus talking to someone who wasn’t really there.  

Alec had wanted him, and Magnus was hard pressed to deny Alec anything most of the time.  It was pitiful really.  The High Warlock of Brooklyn unable to say no to a shadowhunter, not because he _couldn’t,_ but simply because he _didn’t want to_ say no.

The beginning of their relationship had seen Magnus do things he swore he wouldn’t.  He’d vowed not to push Alec, but then he’d pushed.  He’d promised not to pursue Alec, but then he'd pursued.  It hadn’t been pretty, and Alec had been rightly angry with him for it.  He wondered if it would be awkward now to talk about that argument, since they’d come so far together.  He doubted Alec cared now, since he had admitted that calling off the wedding had been the right thing for him to do.  Magnus also wondered if Alec had truly been ready for last night, but he would never ask Alec that.  He’d come to learn that Alec was a man who didn’t like his choices being questioned.  

Probably because they’d been questioned all his life.  By people who claimed to love him.

Magnus was willing to let Alec lead in this relationship because he’d spent so much time coming on so strongly in the beginning.  It had worked out for both of them, and Magnus couldn’t say that he wouldn’t have behaved the same way had he had the chance to do it all over again.  

Alec was worth it.  

“What are you doing?” Alec said sleepily beside him.  

Magnus really needed to stop getting distracted.  He hadn’t even realized Alec had woken up.

"Just thinking,” Magnus said quietly and brushed a hand through the hair that had fallen over Alec’s eyes.  “Go back to sleep.  You don’t have to be at the Institute for at least a couple of more hours.”  

“Really?” Alec asked, his voice warm and pleased.  “That’s good.  But I’d rather not go back to sleep.”  

Alec shifted in the bed and pulled the sheet back up to cover him.  Sliding a hand over Magnus’s waist, he tugged, wordlessly asking Magnus to lie with him.  Magnus rolled his eyes and allowed Alec to snuggle against him.  Alec buried his face at his throat and sighed happily.  Magnus breathed in deeply and silently cursed the man’s ability to be utterly adorable.  It made it so much harder on Magnus.  

“You should sleep,” Magnus brushed a hand through his hair again.  “Yesterday’s mission exhausted you, and then you were up most of the night.”

" _Yeah_ , I was,” Alec rumbled against him, in what Magnus could only assume was an attempt to be funny.  Magnus would have to remind him that sarcasm, not humor, was the shadowhunter’s forte.  

“You’re ridiculous,” Magnus replied.  

“I know.  But you like me anyway, so it works out in the end,” Alex grumbled against his throat.  

“That I do. You’ve found me out.”  

Alec snuggled closer, “The great and powerful High Warlock of Brooklyn brought low by the likes of a mere shadowhunter.”  

Magnus laughed out loud, “You sound like me sometimes.  I believe you’ve spent a bit too much time with me.”  

“Not possible.  There could never be enough time to spend with you.”  

Magnus’s heart tripped a little at his words.  Alec, once given permission to be affectionate, had turned into someone who could not get enough of it.  It pleased Magnus, the idea that Alec could finally be open and loving and not be chastised for it.  But it was bittersweet as well, the idea that Alec had gone his entire life without the permission to love and be loved.  

Alec’s hand began sliding across Magnus’s bare back, and down under the sheet below his waist, so Magnus pulled his head back a little, “What are you doing?”

“Nothing,” Alec grinned against his throat.  

“Right,” Magnus smirked.  “You’re completely innocent.  Just like last night.”  

“Well, I do have the blood of angels in me.  I mean that’s about as innocent as it gets.”  

Magnus snorted, “How long have you been waiting to use that line?”

“Literally my entire life,” Alec laughed against him.  

Magnus laughed with him, “Glad to be of service.”  

Alec kissed his neck and then lifted his head to look at him.  Magnus was sometimes taken aback by how beautiful Alec was.  It was unfair, really.  Magnus knew that he himself was attractive.  It’s not as if he had confidence issues over his physical appearance.  He was strong and muscled, and he had a stomach that would make most men jealous.  Magnus was good looking and attracted a lot of attention.  This he’d been aware of for centuries.  The attention was often sexual in nature, which wasn’t a bad thing at all.  But rarely did it ever go beyond that.  Rarely did people look at Magnus and want to know him beyond what he could do for them.  

Alec looked at him as if Magnus was a gift.  Something to cherish.  The way Alec looked at him, with a shy smile and inviting eyes, took Magnus’s breath away.  Alec’s mouth was pretty, and Magnus had rarely found occasion to use that word to describe a man.  His eyes were beautiful.  So light and loving when they narrowed their gaze onto Magnus.  His jawline was strong and even the slight imperfection of his brow was breathtaking to Magnus.  

“Can I ask you something?” Alec said softly.

“Anything,” Magnus replied.  

“I thought about asking you last night.  But I didn’t want to spoil the mood.”  

Magnus loosened his arms from around Alec and leaned back slightly, “That sounds ominous.”  

Alec shrugged, “Not ominous.  Just something I’ve noticed and wondered about.”  

Alec lifted a hand and laced his fingers with Magnus’s.  He held their hands together in front of him and smiled, so it must not be that serious of a question.  Or Alec’s ‘’take me seriously” face would have come out by now.

“What is it?” Magnus asked.  

“Why don’t you ever try to touch me first?  Or kiss me first?”  Alec looked away from him as he asked, as if he was too uncomfortable to make eye contact.

Magnus closed his eyes.  He hadn’t realized that Alec had noticed it.  

Or that he’d wonder about it if he had.  

“Please don’t deny that you do it,” Alec said softly.

Magnus cleared his throat as he opened his eyes again, “I wasn’t going to deny it.  I’m sorry.”  

Alec looked back at him, “Why?  Why do you do it?”  

And there he was.  Burrowing again.  Digging into the depths of Magnus’s existence with his uncanny ability to be completely irresistible.  He would be Magnus’s undoing one day.  

He probably already was.  

“It’s because I don’t want to scare you.”  

Magnus figured honesty would be the only way he’d get out of this with any semblance of sanity.  Alec would know if he lied because Alec could figure out his lies better than even Ragnor could have done.  One day he’d find out if it was because Alec wore a rune to detect them.

“You don’t scare me,” Alec replied.  

“I did though.  At first.  I confused you and I don’t want to do that again.”   _You’re too precious to me_ , he thought.

“Confused me?” Alec asked, his eyes moving back and forth as if he was trying to pull up the memory.  

“Before us.  Before this.  You asked me to back off because I was confusing you.  And I wasn’t backing off then.  I know why I wasn’t, and I can’t say to your face that I’m not glad I didn’t.  But I don’t want to spook you again.”  

“Oh, you mean before the wedding.  That fight we had,” Alec brought their clasped hands up to his mouth and kissed Magnus’s fingers.  “I’m not going to be spooked anymore.”  

“Maybe.  But I know how I am, Alexander.”  

“And how is that?” Alec challenged, a flash of anger sparking in his eyes.  

“I’m difficult,” Magnus twisted in the bed, out of Alec’s personal space, to lie flat on his back.  

“How so?” Alec asked stiffly as he propped himself up on one hand to lean towards him.

“Why do you want to push this?” Magnus sniped.  

“Because I want to know who made you think you aren’t wonderful, that’s why.”  Alec sniped back.

“Nobody.  Nobody had to.  I’m just someone who isn’t easy.  I’m nearly impossible to love, and I accept that.  I’ve never needed anybody to remind me.”  

“But someone did.  Remind you, that is.”  

“It doesn’t matter, Alec.  The past is the past.  The point is that I realized that I was pushing you, and that it wasn’t fair to you.  So I stopped.  I had no right to try to tell you how you felt, and I had no right to assume that you might want me.  So I had a talk with a friend and decided that I was going to let you lead this.  Which is why I don’t initiate anything with you.”  

“So you don’t scare me.”  

“I’m difficult enough without actively doing things to drive people away from me.”

He felt raw, and he turned his head away to avoid Alec’s gaze.  He hated feeling like this.  He hated being reminded that he was so unlovable.  A mother who'd never wanted him, a father who was a demon, previous relationships that proved to him over and over that nobody would ever want him the same way he wanted them.  Only Ragnor had ever been privy to his insecurities over this.  And he’d never intended to allow Alec to know about them.

“That’s bullshit,” Alec said.  

“Only you, Alec,” Magnus scoffed.  “Only you would say that to me.”  

“Because only you would let me,” Alec replied.  “You’re not difficult to love.  Being in love with you is the easiest thing I’ve ever done.”  

Magnus turned his head and opened his mouth.  

“And don’t you dare even suggest that it’s because I’ve never been in a relationship before,” Alec replied with a hardness to his eyes.  “Because I’m just about tired of people assuming things about me because I’ve been hiding my whole life.”  

“I wasn’t going to say that,” Magnus replied.  And he _hadn’t_ been about to say it.  Magnus had been about to ask him how it was possible to love him so easily when for centuries no one had been able to do it.  No one had ever truly tried.

Magnus reached out a hand and cupped his cheek, “I promise.  That was the furthest thing from my mind.”  

Alec used his free hand to grab Magnus’s and kissed it again, “Is this what you’ve been worried about this whole time?”  

“Yes.”  

“Well, stop.  Because for one thing I wasn’t confused.  I was never confused.  I have spent my whole life knowing exactly who I am.  Hiding that from everybody.  What I was, was _angry_.  Angry that despite the fact that you were right the whole time, my decisions were being questioned again.  You know I hate that.”  

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be!”  Alex sounded exasperated, “Because you were _right._  The entire time.  If you hadn’t pushed and challenged me and made me realize what I would be missing, I’d be married to Lydia right now.  I’d be unhappy.  And I’d be _without you_.  All because I’m stupid.”  

“You’re not stupid, Alec.”  

“I almost made a decision that would have put you _out of my life_.  How much more stupid could I get?” Alec rolled his eyes.  “You think it’s a coincidence that the two people who care the most about me are also the ones who call me out when I make the wrong decisions?”  

Magnus laughed, “Isabelle would be the other one, right?”

“Yes.  There were only two people who told me not to do it.  Everybody else respected my decision as being mine.  Despite the fact that it wasn’t what was best for me.  I needed the reminder that just because I said I wanted to do it, it didn’t mean I was doing it _for me_.”  

“So, you’re not still upset about it.”  

“No, and even if I were, you’ve proven time after time that you only want what’s best for me.  Even _this_ argument is about _you_ wanting _what’s best for me_.  How can I be mad about any of that?”  

“This isn’t an argument.  My arguments involve magic being thrown at people’s heads.”  

“I remember that vividly.  You’re lucky I have good reflexes.”  

“Is there a rune for that?” Magnus smirked.  "Because from what I've seen, you struggle with that sometimes." 

“Very funny,” Alec's gaze turned serious, and he cupped Magnus's face in his hand, “You can touch me.  You can kiss me.  You can initiate anything.  I loved everything we did last night, and I’d love to do it again.”

“Good to know,” Magnus smiled.  

“You are not difficult.  Not for me.”  

“Alec,” Magnus began.  

“I know you’re not going to believe it after one conversation.  You’re more like me than you’re willing to admit, and look how many times I need things beaten into me before I believe them.”  

Magnus laughed.  

“And even if you were, do you know how many times a day I make the difficult decisions?  They’re my specialty.”

“Jace said something similar to me once.  When you were hurt.  That if there is an easy road, you automatically choose the other one.”  

“There is a reason for that.”  

And that reason was because all his life, he’d been told that he didn’t deserve the easy things.  That he had to work for them every day.  That if the choice was too pleasant, that Alec didn’t deserve to have it.  Magnus was reminded every day about how much the Lightwoods did not deserve this man.

Maybe he and Alec were designed for each other.  

The one who's always the difficult choice and the one who never takes the easy path.  

Magnus reached for him and pulled him into a kiss.  Alec huffed with surprise but then smiled against his lips.  

“You kissed me,” Alec marveled when they pulled apart.  

“I’ll be doing more of that from now on.  Just so you’re aware.”  

“Good.”  Alec smirked at him and then moved to get out of the bed.  Magnus drank in the sight of his back and his perfect ass, just as Alec turned his head to catch Magnus’s gaze.  

“I need a shower.  I have about an hour before I need to get to work, and if I remember correctly, that shower of yours has plenty of room for two.”  

Without another word, he stalked away towards the private bath, and Magnus sighed and moved to follow him.

Alec Lightwood really was going to be his undoing.  

But Magnus couldn’t even find it in himself to mind.


End file.
